Justicia Shipena
Modern couples are increasingly drawn to the spectacle of weddings rather than the substance of marriage, leaving many unprepared for the realities of married life, says relationship mechanic Ngamane Karuaihe-Upi.
Karuaihe-Upi said people marry for many reasons beyond religion and that pretending otherwise distorts the conversation around divorce.
“Not everyone gets married because God said so. People get married because they are lonely, because of desire, because culture says so, or because of pressure linked to age,” he told the Windhoek Observer on Monday.
“People get drunk on the excitement of looking good and being celebrated,” he said. “But it does very little for the marriage itself.”
His comments come as 111 divorce cases were recorded in the High Court on a single Monday, with 67 matters on the Windhoek roll and 44 in Oshakati.
A similar picture was seen in 2022, when the Windhoek High Court recorded 119 divorce cases on its roll on one Monday in April.
In 2018, nearly 1 297 divorces were finalised in Windhoek, while about 1 422 cases were filed the following year, of which approximately 862 were finalised.
Karuaihe-Upi said earlier generations viewed marriage as a long-term commitment built around partnership, family and shared responsibility.
“Getting married used to be about two people committing to one another, creating a family, raising children and dealing with life as a unit. Now a wedding is a weekend party. It is about fancy cars, helicopters, ten bridesmaids, ten groomsmen, cameras and drones.”
Karuaihe-Upi said this focus on the wedding event does little to prepare couples for marriage itself.
“A wedding does not teach people about gender equality. It does not teach tolerance, honesty, respect, or sacrifice,” he said. “Those are the things that make a relationship work.”
Debt, infidelity and substance abuse
He said many couples enter marriage without understanding their responsibilities to themselves, their partners, their children and their families.
“People do not take time to ask what duties they have in marriage,” he said. “So when things go wrong, it becomes easier to run to divorce court.”
He added that many married people continue to live with a single mindset.
“You are single, then you get married, but you still operate like you are single. There are men who do not wear their rings, who flirt, who have side relationships. There are women who also act like they are not married,” he said.
Such behaviour shows a lack of commitment, Karuaihe-Upi added.
He called for structured and mandatory premarital counselling, saying the current systems do not prepare couples adequately.
“We do not have official programmes that make premarital counselling mandatory before marriage. Just like when people want to divorce, there should be proper marital counselling first.”
In 2024, then justice minister Yvonne Dausab tabled the amended divorce bill in Parliament, saying it would reform the outdated fault-based divorce law and affirm the constitutional right of individuals to choose whether to remain in a marriage.
A year later, the current minister of justice and labour relations, Wise Immanuel, said he would commence the Dissolution of Marriages Act, 2024, although the law has not yet come into force pending the finalisation of court rules.
The act aimed to streamline divorce proceedings and make the process more accessible, especially for those who cannot afford legal representation.
Former National Council member Paulus Mbangu previously warned that the law could make divorce easier and increase divorce rates.
Rising divorce cases also reflect deeper social and economic pressures, according to Dolly Nangushe, a member of the Alliance of Christian Churches in Namibia.
“When the family structure, especially marriage, is compromised at this scale, it means we are dealing with a society that is bleeding. You are talking about fatherlessness, children growing up under single parenting, and the long-term impact this has on communities and the nation,” she said.
Nangushe said unemployment and financial stress place intense pressure on marriages.
“When finances are not okay, people react differently. It brings stress and instability, and that is one of the key contributors to divorce,” she said.
She told the Windhoek Observer that the rising age of first marriages weakens institutions, while issues such as infidelity, substance abuse and domestic violence also drive separations.
“Alcohol and drugs have invaded our homes. Domestic violence is very alarming, and people cannot stay in abusive relationships,” she said.
She said many couples marry for the wrong reasons and begin married life under heavy debt.
“Many marriages start with huge debt. People spend half a million on a wedding, and then they enter marriage already stressed by finances. The foundation is already cracking.”
Churches urged to prepare couples better
According to the 2023 census released by the Namibia Statistics Agency in 2024, 69.7% of Namibians aged 15 and above have never married, while only 15.8% are married.
More men than women are unmarried, with 72% of men never married compared to 67% of women.
At the same time, weddings are becoming more expensive and harder to schedule. Media reports for 2024 estimated that a modern wedding can cost over N$200 000.
This also comes as Magistrates’ courts in Ondangwa and Gobabis reported that all marriage slots for 2025 were fully booked by October.
In the same month, the Ministry of Home Affairs urged couples to verify that their marriages had been properly registered, citing cases where marriage officers failed to submit registers as required by law.
Nangushe said churches must take greater responsibility in preparing couples.
She also raised concerns about high bride price demands and changing social norms, including cohabitation and blended families, which she said add strain to marriages. She called for stronger, structured pre-marital preparation involving clergy, counsellors and psychologists.
“A magistrate may engage a couple for an hour or two before signing a marriage certificate, but that is not enough preparation for a lifetime commitment,” she said.
